Conference Room Confrontation

Yesterday I had a slight run in with one of my white male counterparts. Background: I work in a white male dominated industry in a white male dominated agency. We have weekly meetings to discuss current projects and give input. This particular male counterpart was not at last week’s meeting when regional representatives were here to discuss and provide suggestions for our current projects, therefore I gave him an update on what was discussed and gave him recommendations that where given for his portion of the project from the regional representatives. In turn, ya boy got real sideways with me, scooting up to the edge of his seat and getting loud as he says “That’s bullshit and you know it.” Right now your telling to yourself I know black women torn into that ass, but it did quite contrary my dear. However, ya girl did give him that side eye and said loudly “Don’t Kill the Messenger.” I was quite perturbed by the entire situation and my other counterparts could tell by my disposition.

After the meeting was over I took a walk, said a few prays trying to calm myself down, when a another co-worker comes up to me. We are close.We share things about our families and go out to dinner when we have to work late. Anyway, she’s crying, I mean bug Boowhoing. Why? Because she has to get rid of her dog, not put him to sleep, but put him up for adopt because he can’t get along with the other two dogs. I stop to comfort her, all the while I am thinking white people have some of the weirdest shit to be worried about, here I am livid because someone disrespected me and she is crying over a damn dog. I put myself on hold and consoled my friend in her time of need, honestly I didn’t know what to tell her but girl it’s a dog it WILL BE OK you have two others. Hell set up visitation so you can still see the dog, if it’s that serious.

After the crying session with the co-worker, I see the counterpart that I am livid with and all that angry begins to rush back in to my veins like heroin. Again, I take a few minutes to calm down, because one of my strongest work ethics is to always be professional in every situation. I walked in to one of our Team meeting rooms and said a few more prays asking God to help me keep my calm as address this persons attitude towards me. I then page my counterpart into the Team room for a brief meeting.

He walks in. You know this fool walk in with a smile on his face smelling like a crop filled with onions and diet coke. The conversation went something like this:
ME: Please have a seat.
Buttwipe: sure, what is this about.
ME: I would like to address the events of this morning’s meeting, your tone of voice, and choice words you used while addressing me. I do not take kindly to anyone shouting at me while telling me what I am saying is bullshit especially when you asked for an update from the last meeting.
Buttwipe: (While cutting me off) Well….
ME: (While cutting him off) Secondly, I do not like to be cut off when I am saying something, therefore let me finish what I have to say and you will have a chance to respond. Thank you. I was giving you information that was giving to me concerning your project from the regional office, I was filling my job duties. Therefore if you have a problems with their recommendations call them, express those concerns with them or simply don’t take them.
Buttwipe: So are you asking me not to disagree with what was said.
ME: No I am not telling you to do anything but respect me as a person and as a professional. And if you are going to disagree with something I say, please disagree with something I actually said and not the words of someone else that you asked for.
Buttwipe: My anger was not directed to you it was to the Regional Reps they are so inconsistent.
ME: But they were not here, so next time bottle that anger up and throw to person who it is meant for. Look Buttwipe when it all comes down to it, we work closely together on several projects and the suggestions that I give is to benefit the entire project not to make me look good or make you look bad. I am only concerned with the agency’s name and the products we produce, because when it all comes down to it your name neither mine is on the finished product, we all take the fall for bad projects. So learn that constructive criticism is not a personal attack on your work, it’s suggestion to make your work better, whether it comes from me, the regional office, or anyone else. And furthermore, if you disagree with something yelling and cursing is not the way to handle it especially when you are dealing with me.
Buttwipe: I understand. I didn’t mean to disrespect you in any why. I worked really hard on that piece and felt like it was a slap in the face. It didn’t have anything to do with you. Thank you for addressing this with me. I can appreciate your honesty and professionalism.
ME: Your welcome. Just remember in the future please watch your tone when you are talking to others.

And we ended with a handshake.

I don’t think you all understand how much this entire situation perturbed. I was thoroughly upset, however after my conversation with Buttwipe I understood why so many of my counterparts act the way they do towards me. First, I am the only African American woman on the planning and restoration team and secondly they are completely threatened by my presence and my knowledge of my job. Not trying to toot my own horn, but I am something like a genius when it comes to my job.

Moral of the story, don’t ever allow anyone to talk to you or threat you in a manner that is disrespectful to you not matter their race, class, or position. If you allow someone to disrespect you once they will do it for the rest of your life, yet there is a correct way to handle the situation. I could have not been able to address the situation without being labeled as the mad black woman. So I took time to calm down, gather my thoughts, and addressed the situation calmly; now I do believe buttwipe and I will have a better working relationship in the future.

Thanks!
Be Blessed

Homophobia is not a Trend!!!!

The news is being flooded with debates over Tim Hardaways “Homophobic” statement. These outcries denouncing homosexuality seems to be a trend in today’s media, starting with Isaiah Washington and now Hardaway. I do understand that these are statements of hate and prejudice, however I think I have several positions on this topic.

First: Hardaway’s harsh usage of the Hate word went just a little bit to far. Of course you cannot particularly care for gay people and their lifestyle, but do you have to go to the extremes to state that you HATE GAY people. Although it was his opinion, he was very wrong to promulgate such a derogatory statement about a fellow retired NBA player or any one else for the matter.

Second: A small part of me thinks that homophobia is warranted by gay people and my reason for saying this is twofold. One because I know and have witnessed gay men hitting on known straight men in public and same goes for females. My second year on an intern in Detroit a lesbian hit on me on an elevator. When I told her I didn’t swing that way, she said don’t knock what you haven’t tried and I can make you not want to see another man. It was at that time I want to reach out and punch her in the throat then push her down the elevator shaft. However, I held my composure and told her to beat it or get beat. Gay people, please stop trying to recruit people into your gay circle who are not gay, if they say they are not interested don’t offer sexual antidotes to entice them into your lifestyle, because you may get you ass whipped royally. That incident alone made me dislike gay people for a long time, it wasn’t until I went to grad school and met other openly gay people who weren’t so arrogant and flamboyant with their gayness.

Second, down low gays will make any woman or man want to kill them and hate them for the rest of their lives. Well I can’t see to many man being upset about their woman being interest in another woman sexual. Most men, at least 55%, would like to engage in a ménage à trois. After reading the J.L. King book and many articles about men who choose to sleep with men in the dark, I find myself somewhat homophobic. I look at every man that I go out with closely, paying close attention to where his eyes are directed when we are in public places, his mannerisms, and other fine details or hints that would give me an ankling that he may or may not have gay tendencies.

I know that may seem extreme, but the tought that I could loose everything that I have work so hard to accomplish could be taken away in one evening of drama filled man on man action in my living space is very overwhelming. I pictured what would happen if an undercover gay man would slip through the cracks of all my observations and I would one day come home to him having sex with his best friend in my bed. Well the end to that vizualization is me sharing a cubicle size jail cell with a woman named Big Bertha aka Killa Bert who I must fight daily to keep my virginity while sporting the much out of style dookie braids. Not a good visual.
Seriously, a dow low man is not only being dishonest to himself and his lover but he is outright lying to his family. If you choose to live a gay life, as I said in a previous blog, love yourself for that, be the best gay person you can be because you only have to live for you. However, don't drag incent people into your lifestyle without giving them a choice to do so and when you don't give that choice you place them at risk for uncurable sexual transmitted disease and other psychological, emotional, and spiritual problems. There are women out there who don't mind sharing there man with another man I AM NOT ONE OF THOSE WOMEN.

However, the question still remains "Do people have a right to be homophic and verbally express there feeling concerning gays?" I would say yes some people have a right to be homophic especially when you have so many people who are not comfortable with there sexuality and they choose to mask it by pretending to be straight. However, I do feel there is a way to express those feelings without blantant disrespect for those engaging in those sexual activities. Hate is such a strong word and if you can hate someone for there sexual preference then you can hate someone becuase of their race and if that's the case; then Bye George you've got a problem with yourself. If you don't like gay people stay out of their space, go about life living in the four walls of your home, because you can't get away from gay people their every where doing everything straight people. You don't have to agree with their personal lifestyle to respect someone as person, because when all comes down to it, ONLY GOD CAN JUDGE. Stop putting so much time in hating or disliking people and work on you.


LOVE, PEACE, & HAPPINESS
God Bless!

Valentine's with Sugg Knight

Valentine’s Day is right around the corner and it amazes me how many grown ass people still take Valentine’s Day serious. I went to the beauty shop on Friday for my bi-weekly beautification and I walked into several converstaions about Valentine's Day among different groups of woman ranging from ages 25 to 55. After sitting there attentively listening to the conversations, my Stylist asked me if I was aware that my next appointment would be after “Love Day.” After I replied yes and stated that I didn’t have special plans for Valentine’s Day, I was bombarded with questions of why a nice pretty young lady like myself is staying home for Valentine’s Day. Basically I was asked all of the questions that I don’t have answers to at the present moment, because I constantly ask myself the same questions at least once a week. Anyway, I avoided saying one reason I did have a date was because of past experience. I did not want to go into the gory details of the long lost night when I went out with Sugg Knight on V-Day. However you are not so lucky, so here is the Adventure of Valentines Day 2001.

Picture it, spring semester 2001. My suite mate and I took time to pick out a great outfit. Gray skirt, cute red top with gray trim, black boots and black accessories. I went straight to the room after class, instead of making my usual visit to the union, to wash and flat iron my hair to give it that freshly done look. Around 7:30 p.m. I am finished getting dressed and I am just about done putting on my make up, the phone rang and he is down stairs.

I quickly grab my things and get ready to race out the door. {I am not sure if I mentioned this was a blind date, a guy that I was cool with hooked me up with his friend. His friend saw me before on campus and, of course, he thought I was cute. My friend was very handsome, so you figured birds of feather flock together….Back to the subject at hand}

I walked out of the building to the side parking lot and I see this very tall handsome guy, who is built just the way I like ‘em. Brown complexion, about 6’2-6’3 with meat on his bones. The man was sexy. I instantly thought oh yeah this is going to be a great night. But then….Oh but then, the man I am looking at takes a girl by the hand and escort her to the passenger side of his car. Obviously this is not my date. A few seconds later my eyes focus in on a guy who is also tall. His features are reminiscent of Sugg Knight. Now Sugg Knight was not an ugly guy, but you had to be there to see that get-up (out fit if you are a tad bit slow). The fit was totally out of line. Now I am attracted to guys of a bigger built, but I can’t and refuse to do sloppy big men. Anyway, picture this, he had on a gray polo style shirt that was tight on his belly, khaki pants that was also to tight, high water, and tapered legged, and brown chucky boots. The pants were sitting on top of the boots ya’ll, then didn’t even make it to the shoe strings. {Let me give you a visual so hopefully you can understand the severity of this out fit. Picture Sugg Knight trying to fit into Diddy’s or Bobby Valentino's clothes.}I was straight tripping, it was at that point I tried to sneak back into my dorm without him seeing me, but to no avail.

The date: After my unsuccessful attempt to escape the travesty of my date’s outfit, we preceded to dinner. He took me to this restaurant way out in the boonies, which I was happy, because the likelihood of me seeing someone I knew was slim to none. Well so I thought.
We ordered, received our dinner, and we are now engaging in conversation, which I am not paying attention to because he talking about tennis and himself way to much, when I look up and see one of my over protective brother’s friends walk in with his girlfriend. I know you’re thinking so what, that’s no big deal….but you don’t know my brothers and their twisted minds. This friend then signals me to let me know he has just called my brother to let him know I was on a date with Sugg Knight. At this point I am rushing Mr. Knight to finish his dinner before my brother shows up and act out in public, resulting in further embarrassment. We finish our food, he paid, and we bounced, in a matter of 15 minutes.

Once we got in the car Mr. Knight wanted to go to the movies, but I just wanted to go home. I had enough of listening to him talk about himself with that lisp and deep voice, so I lied about having a Calculus test the next day, which required me to study. He dropped my back to my room, gave me half dozen of red roses, and a teddy bear. This is where I started to feel bad dissing Ole’ Boy, but I still could not get over the fit. Sorry!! Call me shallow if you will.

I was back in my dorm room by 8:45 p.m.(keep in mind that I left at about 7:50 p.m.) in just enough time to call another date.{ I was on top of my game at that time, so I had back ups for back ups, that’s why to this day I don’t understand why I went out on a BLIND date. I guess I wanted to indulge in a new experience.} My back up date was there in about 10 minutes, although we didn’t go any where special we did take a long walk, while whispering sweet nothings, and ending up back at my door where he miraculously pulled out pinks roses. It was just the nightcap I needed before returning to my room to give my suite mate and roommate a report on my Valentine’s Day Massacre.

Even though the night ended great (Thanks to Mr. Pink Roses), I could not get over the charade of the enitre date, from his conversation about being an atypical tennis player to his ill fitting outfit, the man was a MESS. Since that night, I have not spoken to Sugg Knight, but I can say he has taught me a few valuable lessons, DON’T EVER THINK JUST BECAUSE A GUY IS CUTE THAT HIS FRIENDS ARE TOO and DON'T EVER GO ON A BLIND DATE FOR VALENTINE'S DAY, just to give you two of the lessons.

Post Scriptum: Some of you may read this and think that I am a bad, bad, bad person for dissing Sugg Knight like that, but I was extremely young at the time with an imagine to uphold. Well let me not bullshit you, I am still shallow, I probably still wouldn’t talk to that man because of his outer appearance. I am not saying the man was ugly, because he wasn’t, he was sloppy and not well put together and I don’t have the time or the patience to re-create someone.

Thanks for reading I hope in enjoyed.