Conference Room Confrontation

Yesterday I had a slight run in with one of my white male counterparts. Background: I work in a white male dominated industry in a white male dominated agency. We have weekly meetings to discuss current projects and give input. This particular male counterpart was not at last week’s meeting when regional representatives were here to discuss and provide suggestions for our current projects, therefore I gave him an update on what was discussed and gave him recommendations that where given for his portion of the project from the regional representatives. In turn, ya boy got real sideways with me, scooting up to the edge of his seat and getting loud as he says “That’s bullshit and you know it.” Right now your telling to yourself I know black women torn into that ass, but it did quite contrary my dear. However, ya girl did give him that side eye and said loudly “Don’t Kill the Messenger.” I was quite perturbed by the entire situation and my other counterparts could tell by my disposition.

After the meeting was over I took a walk, said a few prays trying to calm myself down, when a another co-worker comes up to me. We are close.We share things about our families and go out to dinner when we have to work late. Anyway, she’s crying, I mean bug Boowhoing. Why? Because she has to get rid of her dog, not put him to sleep, but put him up for adopt because he can’t get along with the other two dogs. I stop to comfort her, all the while I am thinking white people have some of the weirdest shit to be worried about, here I am livid because someone disrespected me and she is crying over a damn dog. I put myself on hold and consoled my friend in her time of need, honestly I didn’t know what to tell her but girl it’s a dog it WILL BE OK you have two others. Hell set up visitation so you can still see the dog, if it’s that serious.

After the crying session with the co-worker, I see the counterpart that I am livid with and all that angry begins to rush back in to my veins like heroin. Again, I take a few minutes to calm down, because one of my strongest work ethics is to always be professional in every situation. I walked in to one of our Team meeting rooms and said a few more prays asking God to help me keep my calm as address this persons attitude towards me. I then page my counterpart into the Team room for a brief meeting.

He walks in. You know this fool walk in with a smile on his face smelling like a crop filled with onions and diet coke. The conversation went something like this:
ME: Please have a seat.
Buttwipe: sure, what is this about.
ME: I would like to address the events of this morning’s meeting, your tone of voice, and choice words you used while addressing me. I do not take kindly to anyone shouting at me while telling me what I am saying is bullshit especially when you asked for an update from the last meeting.
Buttwipe: (While cutting me off) Well….
ME: (While cutting him off) Secondly, I do not like to be cut off when I am saying something, therefore let me finish what I have to say and you will have a chance to respond. Thank you. I was giving you information that was giving to me concerning your project from the regional office, I was filling my job duties. Therefore if you have a problems with their recommendations call them, express those concerns with them or simply don’t take them.
Buttwipe: So are you asking me not to disagree with what was said.
ME: No I am not telling you to do anything but respect me as a person and as a professional. And if you are going to disagree with something I say, please disagree with something I actually said and not the words of someone else that you asked for.
Buttwipe: My anger was not directed to you it was to the Regional Reps they are so inconsistent.
ME: But they were not here, so next time bottle that anger up and throw to person who it is meant for. Look Buttwipe when it all comes down to it, we work closely together on several projects and the suggestions that I give is to benefit the entire project not to make me look good or make you look bad. I am only concerned with the agency’s name and the products we produce, because when it all comes down to it your name neither mine is on the finished product, we all take the fall for bad projects. So learn that constructive criticism is not a personal attack on your work, it’s suggestion to make your work better, whether it comes from me, the regional office, or anyone else. And furthermore, if you disagree with something yelling and cursing is not the way to handle it especially when you are dealing with me.
Buttwipe: I understand. I didn’t mean to disrespect you in any why. I worked really hard on that piece and felt like it was a slap in the face. It didn’t have anything to do with you. Thank you for addressing this with me. I can appreciate your honesty and professionalism.
ME: Your welcome. Just remember in the future please watch your tone when you are talking to others.

And we ended with a handshake.

I don’t think you all understand how much this entire situation perturbed. I was thoroughly upset, however after my conversation with Buttwipe I understood why so many of my counterparts act the way they do towards me. First, I am the only African American woman on the planning and restoration team and secondly they are completely threatened by my presence and my knowledge of my job. Not trying to toot my own horn, but I am something like a genius when it comes to my job.

Moral of the story, don’t ever allow anyone to talk to you or threat you in a manner that is disrespectful to you not matter their race, class, or position. If you allow someone to disrespect you once they will do it for the rest of your life, yet there is a correct way to handle the situation. I could have not been able to address the situation without being labeled as the mad black woman. So I took time to calm down, gather my thoughts, and addressed the situation calmly; now I do believe buttwipe and I will have a better working relationship in the future.

Thanks!
Be Blessed