Stop Making a Fool of Me!

My nerves were shot to hell on Monday as I watched the Hills. This season Audrina has really irritated me. Her usual ding dong personality that makes me want to kick her in the chest is not the cause of my irritation; rather it’s her willingness to be clowned by Justin Bobby. The irritation just resurfaced my exasperation from conversations I have been having with friends and family. It left me with a question of why women allow ourselves to be placed situations that places more emotional debt that we should have in our lives.

Audrina has been in a sporadic relationship with Justin Bobby for about two years. During that time Justin Bobby has taken her places and left her there without saying good-bye and blatantly disrespected her and her friends. The brink for me was this past episode, when he and Audrina went out to a night club together and he walked away from her to hook up with another female across the room in front of her and her friends. After he laughed in her face while she confronted the girl, he runs after her and basically tells her she can’t and won't stop talking to him and if she doesn’t get in the car with him right now then he is leaving. My statement to the dusty busted Justin Bobby would be, “will kick yoself in the knee and get to walking.”

This is the prime example of how women set themselves up for emotional debt. The signs are there all along, yet we choose to ignore their unwillingness to be in a relationship with us. We need to learn to listen to a man’s actions and not his words. His actions can be giving the message that he doesn’t want any thing from you, but to play a game, while his words are telling you that he wants to cherish you forever. If his actions do not coincide with his words, the fool is looking for a good game of Life to play with you. Please take off running and don’t look back.

Now don’t be shame if you don’t know the clear signs of the game of Life, some of these men are slick and definitely don’t be shame if you fell for it, just take it for what it was: A life learning lesson and vow to never do it again. Some clear examples of the game of Life:
1. If he never takes you out or comes to visit you during daylight hours, he is not seriously interested in you.
2. If he is not interested in what your close friends and family think about him, that fool doesn’t care about you.
3. If he doesn’t want you to have close girlfriends it’s because he’s scared one of your friends will reveal his game.
4. If he constantly changes the subjects or say the infamous “Things are good the way they are,” when you talk to him about taking your relationship to the next level.
5. If he constantly leaves you to go hang out with his boys, he is not interested in you.
6. When he is in front of his boys he plays it like you two are just good friends.
These are just of few of he signs, but know that there are many more out there that women overlook when getting to know a man or forcing herself in a situation that shouldn’t be.

Anything that absolutely perturbs me: women should stop trying to fool themselves into believing they could be friends with men after they have dogged them out. If he was your friend he wouldn’t have put you through all of the pain. He would have been up front about his feeling and intentions instead of taking you on a roller coaster ride to Tears and Tissue land. Friends don’t use and abuse one another. If he was a girlfriend and she stole your shoes, money, and slept with your man you wouldn't be friends with her, so why believe you can be friends with a man the stole your heart and played with your emotions.

Honestly I am tired of talking about this. I hope all women wake up and understand their worth. As stated in a Young Adult gathering at church “God didn’t settle for just anything when he made the earth, he didn't settle for just anything when he made you, so why settle for just anything in Love and Life.” When you appreciate yourself and your worth, you can’t and won’t settle for just anyone who doesn’t appreciate your full value.

GOD BLESS!

Slit my Wrist.... Please!

This past two weeks I have been entertaining friends and family. Yes for two entire weeks, stab me in the eye right. Yes, at some point I wanted to jump out the window and do a swan dive onto the pavement to see if anything in the world could be as painful as pleasing family. Me being the deep person I am, I believe everything has its purpose and these two weeks taught me I am truly happy living alone. Earlier this year I was contemplating getting a roommate, but after these two weeks its evident that I can’t handle it. I thoroughly enjoy my alone time.

Anyway, the first week I had some close friends over for a week. It’s very hard for me to admit I had a better time with them than I had with my family. Everyone was so independent, they went with the flow of the day, and just chilled and relaxed themselves. The way a vacation should be. On the other hand, that family of mine had an agenda which started at 7:00 a.m. and the day ended at 9:00 p.m. and would get quite upset if we deviated from the schedule. Question: who in the hell wakes up at 7:00 in the a.m. on vacation and secondly, who in hell has an agenda. Just relax DANG!

The great thing about the Fam coming to visit was that I got a chance to experience things in my city that I don’t get a chance to do on the regular; museums, zoo, water parks, etc. But Gosh darn I was glad to see the go….. Very happy to have them, yet extremely happy to see them go.

I Got Served

I got served by Southern_Lady However I don't know anyone else to tag that she hasn't tagged already, so this is it.
Here are the rules:
A)Each person tagged gives 7 random facts about themselves.
B)Those tagged need to write in their blogs the 7 facts, as well as the rules of the game.
C)You need to tag 7 others and list their names on your blog.
D)You have to leave those you plan on tagging a note in their comments so they know that they I have been tagged and to read your blog.

My seven random facts:
1. I used to love dressing like a boy and playing football with the neighborhood dudes. I hated dresses and bowrettes, ugh so girlly.
2. I was obsessed with Lil Zane and Dru Hill as a teenager.
3.I have a shopping problem, I would rather buy clothes and accessories than buy food. Who needs to eat when you have a cute outfit.
4. My brothers nicknamed me chicken lip, because I used to suck my thumb and pick my lip.
5.I like to people watch, it's funny what people do when they think no one is looking.
6. One of my greatest pleasures is to take myself out on a date to the movies and dinner.
7.I also like singing in the top of the broom or hair brush while performing a dance routine, in my apartment by myself. Fun times with DeepRooted!

Hot Mess!

Check the post on YB&F about Schatar "Hottie" form Flava of Love. This chick has got to be crazy as hell. YB&F had links to Hottie's recent interview with Vh1 and Essence, from the answers she gave on the interview the chick had got to be on some drug or delusional. Ya girl is wack from her wacked out weave to that wacked out personality. Oh yeah there is also a link to her personal website Schatar.com. which further proves her desperation for some type of attention. Some call Dr. Phil for this chick!

Have a blessed day!

Just a Few???

Quick question: Why do white people use both scientific and a common name of things when they are talking. For instance, I was talking to a summer intern for lunch about flowers, gardens, and pets. Ya Girl said she has Red Roses, Rosa Safrona, planted in the yard and she has a Boston terrier. Why she couldn't just say red roses and a terrier, I could care less what the proper name is? Maybe I should start talking like that: I am going to get some water, you know high quality H2O or I am going to my Chevy HHR to get my lunch.

It totally annoys me when all of the ladies at work are at sitting around the table talking about hair and they want to include me in the conversation. Why? because I then have to take time out to teach all of the none African American women the science of African American hair. They just don't grasp the concept that we only wash out hair once a week and light moisturizers are our friends!

I think it's funny that I am the only black person in the office and my co-worker from South African, who is not black, thinks we have a special connection.


A friend called me from a restaurant last night to tell me about the hundreds of flies that were flying around the restaurant. That instantly brought me back to last August when my brother and I went to a McDonalds, which is now the largest fly habitat in the south, and the fool started singing really loud "Holy Moly Donut Shop." Should I still be laughing at that today like it happen yesterday?

My Soapbox!

I promise I am going to start writing about happy things, but I just need to get this off my chest.

How important is your family to you? Are you supposed to give up one someone who share you same blood line? These are questions that I have been asking myself for months, however it’s not the first time these questions have come across my mind.

I was raised in a family where there was no way but up for us as far as success in the world was concerned. I have two parents from two totally different perspectives in life, which gave their children a broader view of life. My mother who was raised in a lower income community in a home that has been in her family for generations; a one bedroom home that housed four children, a mother and father, and a grandparent. She is the eldest of her siblings raised by an emotional and physically abusive father. My mother gave us the reality of the saying “It’s doesn’t matter where you come from, it only matters where you are going..” She fought hard, put herself through college, and made it out of her situation, providing three times more for her children than she was given.

My father on the other hand, was raised with a silver spoon in his mouth. The youngest of two, raised by the first African American school teacher in our small town and a farmer/railroad worker. My father was given an education and many other things, he went through life wanting for nothing. He spoiled his children, especially me, just as he was by his parents.

I say all of this to bring you to my current situation. My siblings and I where given cars to drive in high school and college, weekly allowance, paid rent in college, and more than enough money for clothes and social events. My parents supported us through college, a few of us was support through graduated studies as well. With all of the opportunities our parents afforded us I still can’t understand why one sibling chooses to live like a vagabond.

This sibling was an honor roll student, all state high school athlete, and a great musician. He could play almost any instrument you put in front of him and if he couldn’t play it, give him a day or two, he would be able to teach you some things. However, today in his adult life, he chooses to live without knowing where his next check is coming from, doing drugs, and hanging with people who don’t want much out of life.

This bothers me only because I know the potential this man poses, I know what he could be if he wasn’t under the influence of drugs. I have also come to terms that this is his life to live, no one can want something for someone who doesn’t want it for themselves. However, my dissent with the situation comes in when he tries to force his lifestyle on everyone else. I don’t agree with him showing up at my parents house with all of his drugged out friends and having parties in the middle of the week. I don’t agree with him doing drugs in my parents yard or in front of my nephews. It is very disrespectful and irresponsible on his part. It is these actions of his that make me want to kick his ass and write him off.

I just want the young man to wake up and see life passing him by. I want him to want a relationship with God and straighten his life, but as I said before I can’t make him want for himslef. I understand he will have to hit his lowest point before God can pick him up, but how low is his lowest point, because I can’t stand to see him any lower. I want to stop having dreams or imaging me at his funeral consoling my parents or visiting him in jail. I don’t want to feel like I have to disconnect myself from him so I don’t have to feel this way toward him. My family means everything to me, I would lay my life down for anyone of my family members. I feel like I am the glue that holds it together, but in this situation I feel myself becoming unglued. I guess it’s God way of showing me I am not going to be able to save everyone, it’s not my job to make things right when everything is going wrong. I need to step back and let him do his job.

For the past few months I have been going out to dinner and other fun events with young ladies from my Young Adult ministry. This is now my new social arena since I don’t do the club hoppin anymore. The young women I hang out with are so reminiscent of my friends for home and undergrad. They each hold some unique characteristic that makes feel comfortable and close. We are all single hardworking black women, who are happily single. Don’t get me wrong; I know many single women including most of my close friends and myself, get just a little lonely and what some type of companionship. However, it is not an everyday thought consistently badgering our minds. We are all content and patiently awaiting our future husbands arrival.

Why am I saying all of this? Friday was our regular outing; dinner and a movie. At dinner we invited a new young lady to join us. She was funny and cool just like the rest of us, however on thing concerned me about the young lady….All she wanted to talk about was being single and how unhappy she was. Now we have all ran into women like that so it shouldn’t have disturbed me as much as it did. But, I do have this habit of internalizing other people’s problems and turning them into my own, mainly my very close friends.

Let me give you background on her story: She dated a guy for 3 year who beat the brakes off her regularly. For about 8 months she and guy have been broken up, but she is still messing with him off and on. She claims as of January, we she committed herself to Christ, she has not initiated any contact with him. He has come over to her house on numerous occasions wanting to reconcile their relationship, stating he has changed and he can’t live without her, yadda, yadda, yadda! She goes on to tell us that she knows that he is not good for her but she knows she loves him and can’t help to feel that she rather be with him than single. (It was at this point I had to go for a walk).

Fast Forward: After dinner we went to the movies to see Shrek the Third (great movie) and after the movie I invited the group back to my apartment. Again, ya girl start her single and lonely gripe. So I felt compelled to reach out to the young woman.
I told her:
First, before you commit to loving someone else you need to love yourself. If you think that being with a man who randomly beats your brains out makes you more of woman that being single, then there is no way you can love yourself or have any respect for yourself. Being able to have a relationship with yourself strengthens you in ways that you can’t imagine right now. You will find a new appreciation for self, establish dignity, esteem, and most importantly self worth. (At this point I could see that she was slightly offended by my words.) So I continued to say, I am not trying to judge you, but obviously you are looking for direction and that was just a worldly message from me. However, God has put a message on my heart to give to you. I hope you take heed to what is being said and use it to your advantage. God does not want us to be in relationships with people who use and abuse us. God is a loving God, a God of compassion and giving, so he doesn’t want you to be with a man who is beating and mistreating you. Eight months ago, God delivered you from this man, gave you a way out of the relationship, but you decided to continue letting the devil in. Yes, the devil is eloquent and convincing with his words, because he knows what to say in vulnerable moments, so the boyfriend exactly when to call, text message, or come by to pull you right back in. And you go thinking is love, the devil is deceiving. OH but when you take time to speak to GOD, ask for his strength to remove the devil out of your mind, you’ll start to see the devil for what he is, a liar, you’ll realize the love you thought was not love at all. Once you put your trust and faith in GOD he will deliver you from your circumstance, allowing you to love yourself, discover who you are as a child of God. After God has completely restored your heart, mind, and spirit he will deliver you to someone who is Christ like. But you have to seek him first with all you heart. Sister I love you and don’t want any woman demeaning herself for a pain or burden that is not hers to bare.

Just a quick paraphrase of what was said, I can’t remember what was exactly said since I was having an outer body experience. I do love God and I do say talk about my God to friends and family, but I have never said or talked to someone I just met that way. It was really strange for me, I guess I now know what it means to “Let him use ya.”

My Epiphany

At this wonderful tender age of 25 I am battling this intermediate state of mind. The intermediate state of mind where you are indecisive about everything, nothing makes sense even when you try to make sense of it.

Yesterday I sat on my balcony recalling an article my good friend sent me many months ago about Quarter Life Crisis. Apparently this is something many people my age experience especially when fully breaking away from the parental unit for the first time. Don’t get me wrong, I have been confused about life before, but I have never been this mislead and disoriented about the direction or choices I should make. The future is so easy to define and foresee at this moment, however it the here and now that is blank. Often I day dream about going to sleep and waking up in 5 years, but as we all know nothing in life happens that way and it does take hard work and time to achieve future goals.

As of now, I have achieved every goal that I have set for myself way back when today was the future. I have accomplished graduating from both undergrad and grad school, and currently have a great paying job with benefits. However, right now I can not tell you if I truly enjoy my job or my paycheck. All I know is that I wake up every morning to go to work and come home every afternoon to go to sleep. The only thing I am sure about these days is that I enjoy going to church and church activities, and hate paying bills.

Yet as I continue to think about all of these things on my balcony, I realize that this is a part of growing and transitioning from stage of life to the next. It is the intermediate stage where the childish things we used to do are no longer entertaining and the grown things we were afraid of facing seems close but not close enough to engage. It is the stage of life when it's time to figure out what you like or dislike, could stand for or will not stand for in life. It’s the stage of life when you define your future goals for another period of life that seems so far way. It is the time when you experience the best times and worst times, and trying as hard as you can to figure out which is which.

After reaching that much understanding, which felt like the world largest light bulb turned on in my head, I realize there are other people experiencing that same thing and may not be as blessed as I am in the situation. I have a very nice roof over my head, a car in good condition to get to and fro, good food on my TV stand, very nice clothes on my back, and most importantly a steady check to pay all of my bills. So my epiphany is, my crisis is not really a crisis. It is just a part of growing and prospering into the Adult phase of life.

This Weeks Events!

This week has been an incredible week for me so far….

This weekend I was informed that my cousin/sister is engaged to her baby daddy. I am so happy for her and I hope their family last a lifetime filled with many blessings. However, the parental unit and the grandmother joining forces, to yet remind me once again that I am not married, in a serious, nor have any prospects for any of the fore mentioned relations is KILLING ME!!

Ever since I graduated from graduate school last year, my parents (mainly my mother) feels it is time for me settle down and get married. So this engagement has just given her one more reminder that her baby girl is no where near that type of commitment. I have told both my grandmother and mother, that the bible says “He who finds a good woman.” Which means the husband must find his wife, not vice versa. Therefore until the Lord feelings that it is time for my husband and I to meet he will put us in the right place at the right time, until that happens I am happily single and I wish you both would except that. What does that damn grandmother say?…. I bet you not even being nice to those men who approach you, you have to be open for you husband to even approach you. I would tell her that I have been dating a few men, but then she would want to know why I haven’t said anything and when will she meet ‘em, so after that statement I just give up!!!


On another note:
On Tuesday, my fire squad was called out to a fire, which was a burning tracker-trailer. When we arrive at the scene the guy was unconscious in the cab of the burning truck, because we are only trained to fight wildland fires, we are not equipped with the tools of the proper water pressure to contain the fire. We took our hoses out to start spraying the fire and it was like someone was spitting on the fire, that lil bit of water had no effect on the flames. However, the structure trained firefighters did show up, but the flames where raging by that time. I mean you could hear the man screaming for dear life for someone to save him, but no one could get the flames under control so someone could get close enough to the cab before it blew up into pieces.

This was the hardest day of my life. I felt so useless, to watch a man die right before my eyes and not be able to do anything about it. Dealing with not being able to show emotion, because of fear of making myself appear vulnerable to my all male squad, when deep in side I wanted to scream and cry like it was one of my loved ones.

The incident is still weighing heavy on my heart, thinking about the man’s family and friends. The nightmares of his screams. Everyone please pray for me and the man’s family.

CAN YOU DENOUNCE YOUR RACE?

I know everyone is sick and tired of the whole Imus situation, however this was on my mind so I must share.

Everyone should, in great detail, know the events of the whole Imus ordeal, so I will not go further to restate those comments or statements. Anyway, on last Wednesday on my way to the airport to start my mini-vacation, I was listening to a local talk radio show who was discussing the Imus situation. It was the morning after he appeared on the AL Sharpton show, where he made a statement saying the girls should not have been offended by his statement because black females allow other females and males to refer to them as hoes and bitches. Not only did the statement get under my skin, because he thought it was an excuse for his actions, but because he failed to mention or realize that white girls do it too. However, it does make it right for us to use those words toward each other rather in a friendly manner or otherwise, because as we can all see our actions/words are misconstrued and used as weapons against us.

As much as that statement really upset me, it did not upset me as much as the African American female who called in to comment on the statement. She said “ I am a frequent listener of the Imus show and he is edgy, he does not only say things about Blacks he talks about all races, so I think he words where taken out of context. And furthermore, I can see why he said it, those girls are not pretty at all.” The radio personality stated, “what do you mean not pretty? Those are some beautiful and intelligent girls.” That crazy ass heifer goes on to say, “No they are not, well I guess it depends on how you define beautiful, because in my definition those are not beautiful girls or intelligent. The press conference was their time to display their intelligence and they could not articulate themselves well, especially the Captain.”

It was at that point that I wanted to jump through the radio, into her phone and whip her ass, right before I denounce Blackhood. She was an embarrassment to all black women. How in the world can you justify anyone calling young ladies who are trying to make something of themselves a Nappy Head Ho, in spite of your thoughts about their physical features. What in the hell does beauty have to do with being demeaned and called out of your name. Since when does the lack of beauty give anyone the right to mistreat someone because of their misfortune. And most importantly, who defines beauty? Beauty is in the eye of the beholder. You may think they are ugly, but I am sure there are equal or more people out there who think they are the prettiest tenderroni’s walking the earth.

It really amazes me how many African American people do not have a clue and oblivious to what is really going on in the world. Regardless of what context the statement was made it was wrong and mortifying. OH MY BLACK PEOPLE LET’S GET IT TOGETHER!

NOBODY WASHED THEIR HANDS!

This past Saturday I was asked to find a Volunteer Project for a local Boy Scout troop to do with my job. Of course I agreed to do it, who doesn’t like easy overtime? But please let’s keep in mind that it was stated that I was going to have a Boy Scout Troop. What do you picture when some says a Boy Scout troop? I think of cute little handsome men around the ages of 7-12, so I thought. Clearly when I meet the troop at our meeting place, the “BOY SCOUT’S” where grown ass men, ranging in the ages of 16-19. Question: What in the hell is an 18 and 19 year old still doing in Boy Scouts. I think I could see another Virginia Tech massacres or a few molesters in a few years, if you are so socially F’d up that you have to kick it in Boy Scouts pass puberty. Anyway, I gave them their project and I keep watch to ensure no one hurt themselves.

Lunch time came and the Troop leaders decide to grill some hotdogs and brats for the group and of course asked me to gone and I agreed until……. No One washed their damn hands. I notice all of the kids/grown men were just sitting around waiting for the food to cook, so I suggested/offer for everyone to wash their hands at the water pump with soap and water. Everyone and I mean everyone looked at me like I had a third eye. It seemed like everyone was saying in the back of their minds “ The B is crazy as hell.”

The food was cook everyone ran over grab plates, touched the bread, and everything else everyone had to use to eat. Therefore, I only ate the hot dogs that came straight off the grill. One of the Troop Leaders offered to prepare my plate and I gave him that “Do you dare put your nasty ass hands on my food.” I refuse to eat the bread of anything else, they touched with their unwashed hands. Oh!! But people let me catch ya head one more time. They had that nerve to offer me some Peach and cherry cobbler. I thought to myself…. Self, you know you really like sweets, but self…If these grown ass people don’t wash their hands after playing in dirt all morning, then you damn well they don’t wash their hands after they piss or shit. So, self… what if they went to the restroom while making that Peach and cherry cobbler? And I said umm…. Good point self “NO THANKS”

Killer point in the story: After the group finished eating and cleaning up their picnic area, the group walked to the water pump to wash their hands. WTF… So you don’t wash your hands to eat, but you wash your hands to go hiking in woods. Just stab me cause I through!

Back in the Dating Game......or NOT!

I know I haven’t blogged in a while, however the job has me running headless in mountains these days. I have been on the road traveling to training sessions, meeting, and conferences on top of still getting other projects out on time. I basically don’t have enough time to scratch my ass these days. Anyway, so much has happen since my last blog. I am not sure how many readers remember the infamous 6 year relationship that I have been taking time to gather and recover from, but I am did just that so I thought. I spent a few months not dating or conversing with anyone and I thought it was time to venture out and see what type of men Chicago had to offer. Are you ready for this experience, because I really don’t think you are!!! Hell I wasn’t….

The first guy that I met here in Chicagoland, was a 35 year old employee of Chicago Transit Authority, he owns his own condo, and he believes in investments. I was so excited to meet a mature man that was interested in the same things I had an interest in….. Investments and Retirement Savings. I am all about the retiring early. We had been conversing via telephone since the beginning of December. (Yeap that’s right I was entertaining him while I was still talking to the 6 year guy.) Anyway, after all of those phone conversation we decided to go out on an official date. Dinner and an Art Gallery showing in Chicago Heights. Because I am new to the area, with no one to look out for me I decided to just meet him at the Art Gallery and then we would go from there.

I got to the art gallery around 7:30 pm. I sat down and placed my jacket over the set next me to secure my dates spot while I waited for his face to pop up and the interpretation to start. I show started right on time, it was owned by Others obviously, and ended at about 8:30. I walked around the gallery looking at the art collections still awaiting the arrival of my date. By 8:35 I realized the bastard stood me up. I learned a long time ago, one monkey don’t stop no show. Therefore, I have no problems going out without a man to do things I want to do. So I continued to network and left for dinner at 9:30.

All in all I had a great time at the Art Gallery and dinner alone. I have keen gift to thoroughly entertain myself. However, I was perturbed by the fact he didn’t even try to call until Sunday to say his Uncle was diagnosed with terminal cancer and he only has six months to live. WOW!

What’s the relationship like today between this young man and I. Well, I learned another lesson a long time ago not to make yourself ready and available for someone who will not do the same for you. So yes we do continue to converse, however I don’t break my back to answer the phone or make plans to meet up with him.

Next guy was also 35 years old. I met him at a party, he seemed quite nice and slightly shy. We exchanged numbers and did not speak to each other again until Super Bowl Sunday. Our conversation was a typical first conversation, what do you do for a living, where do you live, what do you like to do for fun, yadda, yadda, yadda… On Monday, ya boy called me 5 times in four hour span. He called while I was walking in the door from the gym at 6:30 pm. I told him I was going to call him after I get settled in and take a shower. I sat down to watch Girlfriends and ya boy called me back to ask why I didn’t call him back. I told him because my Monday night TV shows came on I was going to call you when they went off. At 8:28 ya boy called back to ask if the show went off. Did I tell you our first conversation was the previous day and I gave him my number a week ago. I said not yet. And I am going to call you when they go off. I called him back around 9:30 and he told me that he was playing a game and he would have to call me tomorrow. Of course I rejoiced because I was ready to lay it down for the night anyway. I prepared for sleep by closing my eye lids and just before slumber set in, ya boy called back to ask me if I was asleep. CRAZY, JUST PURE CRAZINESS!! Over the next few days he continued to blow my phone you regularly and some how I agreed to go out on a date with him that Saturday.

Friday night came, which was the same Friday as the stand up act, and he called to discuss the agenda for the date. Earlier that week I invited him to a party for a friend, I didn’t think he was going to get sooooo attached to the idea, but he did. I told him that I didn’t know exactly were the party was and what time it started because my friend did not call me back yet. As soon as I get the information I will call you. Keep in mind that I decided to answer the phone after he called in 4 time in 5 minutes. Please be clear that I did answer the phone with a slight attitude.

Saturday morning prior to the date: He called me while I was on my way to help a co-worker paint her house. He told me I hurt his feeling last night and he is a soft heart person. My first reaction: Get the F*&k outta here! I mean this dude is 6’4 about 300lbs. Who in there right mind would have thought that “I will call you when I get the information.” Would hurt his feelings. I went on to tell him that I am a blot person and I am not very tactful at times. I am not going to apologize for what I said because I meant it. But I will apologize for the attitude. I then went on to express to him that before I go out with him, I need to let him know that I am NOT looking for anything serious. I am not mentally, physically, spiritually, or emotionally ready for any type of relationship except friendship.

In later conversation after I asked him if we could 86 the party and just go to dinner, he went on this wild tangent, to tell me that I was wasting both of out time because I really don’t like him and he already had his heart set on going to the party. Because I stressed the fact that I was not ready for a relationship and I altered the original plans. He also stated that I was treating him that way because I was materialistic. Did I mention that he asked me to pick him up for our date because he doesn’t have a car. Yeah!!!! He continues to state people could go out on dates and have feelings for people and not be in a committed relationship.

Yeah that through me for a loop as well. Especially after he asked him to pick him up, I said no and I would meet him there, but I did agree to keep the date. I do believe if I was materialistic I wouldn’t have even finished the conversation. To make an already long story short, I ask ya boy to please never call me again. I can’t deal with the stress or the craziness.

How does this all play out. Ya boy still calls and ask me out on dates via my voicemail, because I refuse to answer the phone. Once he noticed I was not answering the phone when I saw his name, he started calling from a different number every time he calls. So now I don’t answer the phone for numbers I don’t know.

After all of this I realize I am not ready. I am content with my single life and I choose to stay that way for a while.

Conference Room Confrontation

Yesterday I had a slight run in with one of my white male counterparts. Background: I work in a white male dominated industry in a white male dominated agency. We have weekly meetings to discuss current projects and give input. This particular male counterpart was not at last week’s meeting when regional representatives were here to discuss and provide suggestions for our current projects, therefore I gave him an update on what was discussed and gave him recommendations that where given for his portion of the project from the regional representatives. In turn, ya boy got real sideways with me, scooting up to the edge of his seat and getting loud as he says “That’s bullshit and you know it.” Right now your telling to yourself I know black women torn into that ass, but it did quite contrary my dear. However, ya girl did give him that side eye and said loudly “Don’t Kill the Messenger.” I was quite perturbed by the entire situation and my other counterparts could tell by my disposition.

After the meeting was over I took a walk, said a few prays trying to calm myself down, when a another co-worker comes up to me. We are close.We share things about our families and go out to dinner when we have to work late. Anyway, she’s crying, I mean bug Boowhoing. Why? Because she has to get rid of her dog, not put him to sleep, but put him up for adopt because he can’t get along with the other two dogs. I stop to comfort her, all the while I am thinking white people have some of the weirdest shit to be worried about, here I am livid because someone disrespected me and she is crying over a damn dog. I put myself on hold and consoled my friend in her time of need, honestly I didn’t know what to tell her but girl it’s a dog it WILL BE OK you have two others. Hell set up visitation so you can still see the dog, if it’s that serious.

After the crying session with the co-worker, I see the counterpart that I am livid with and all that angry begins to rush back in to my veins like heroin. Again, I take a few minutes to calm down, because one of my strongest work ethics is to always be professional in every situation. I walked in to one of our Team meeting rooms and said a few more prays asking God to help me keep my calm as address this persons attitude towards me. I then page my counterpart into the Team room for a brief meeting.

He walks in. You know this fool walk in with a smile on his face smelling like a crop filled with onions and diet coke. The conversation went something like this:
ME: Please have a seat.
Buttwipe: sure, what is this about.
ME: I would like to address the events of this morning’s meeting, your tone of voice, and choice words you used while addressing me. I do not take kindly to anyone shouting at me while telling me what I am saying is bullshit especially when you asked for an update from the last meeting.
Buttwipe: (While cutting me off) Well….
ME: (While cutting him off) Secondly, I do not like to be cut off when I am saying something, therefore let me finish what I have to say and you will have a chance to respond. Thank you. I was giving you information that was giving to me concerning your project from the regional office, I was filling my job duties. Therefore if you have a problems with their recommendations call them, express those concerns with them or simply don’t take them.
Buttwipe: So are you asking me not to disagree with what was said.
ME: No I am not telling you to do anything but respect me as a person and as a professional. And if you are going to disagree with something I say, please disagree with something I actually said and not the words of someone else that you asked for.
Buttwipe: My anger was not directed to you it was to the Regional Reps they are so inconsistent.
ME: But they were not here, so next time bottle that anger up and throw to person who it is meant for. Look Buttwipe when it all comes down to it, we work closely together on several projects and the suggestions that I give is to benefit the entire project not to make me look good or make you look bad. I am only concerned with the agency’s name and the products we produce, because when it all comes down to it your name neither mine is on the finished product, we all take the fall for bad projects. So learn that constructive criticism is not a personal attack on your work, it’s suggestion to make your work better, whether it comes from me, the regional office, or anyone else. And furthermore, if you disagree with something yelling and cursing is not the way to handle it especially when you are dealing with me.
Buttwipe: I understand. I didn’t mean to disrespect you in any why. I worked really hard on that piece and felt like it was a slap in the face. It didn’t have anything to do with you. Thank you for addressing this with me. I can appreciate your honesty and professionalism.
ME: Your welcome. Just remember in the future please watch your tone when you are talking to others.

And we ended with a handshake.

I don’t think you all understand how much this entire situation perturbed. I was thoroughly upset, however after my conversation with Buttwipe I understood why so many of my counterparts act the way they do towards me. First, I am the only African American woman on the planning and restoration team and secondly they are completely threatened by my presence and my knowledge of my job. Not trying to toot my own horn, but I am something like a genius when it comes to my job.

Moral of the story, don’t ever allow anyone to talk to you or threat you in a manner that is disrespectful to you not matter their race, class, or position. If you allow someone to disrespect you once they will do it for the rest of your life, yet there is a correct way to handle the situation. I could have not been able to address the situation without being labeled as the mad black woman. So I took time to calm down, gather my thoughts, and addressed the situation calmly; now I do believe buttwipe and I will have a better working relationship in the future.

Thanks!
Be Blessed

Homophobia is not a Trend!!!!

The news is being flooded with debates over Tim Hardaways “Homophobic” statement. These outcries denouncing homosexuality seems to be a trend in today’s media, starting with Isaiah Washington and now Hardaway. I do understand that these are statements of hate and prejudice, however I think I have several positions on this topic.

First: Hardaway’s harsh usage of the Hate word went just a little bit to far. Of course you cannot particularly care for gay people and their lifestyle, but do you have to go to the extremes to state that you HATE GAY people. Although it was his opinion, he was very wrong to promulgate such a derogatory statement about a fellow retired NBA player or any one else for the matter.

Second: A small part of me thinks that homophobia is warranted by gay people and my reason for saying this is twofold. One because I know and have witnessed gay men hitting on known straight men in public and same goes for females. My second year on an intern in Detroit a lesbian hit on me on an elevator. When I told her I didn’t swing that way, she said don’t knock what you haven’t tried and I can make you not want to see another man. It was at that time I want to reach out and punch her in the throat then push her down the elevator shaft. However, I held my composure and told her to beat it or get beat. Gay people, please stop trying to recruit people into your gay circle who are not gay, if they say they are not interested don’t offer sexual antidotes to entice them into your lifestyle, because you may get you ass whipped royally. That incident alone made me dislike gay people for a long time, it wasn’t until I went to grad school and met other openly gay people who weren’t so arrogant and flamboyant with their gayness.

Second, down low gays will make any woman or man want to kill them and hate them for the rest of their lives. Well I can’t see to many man being upset about their woman being interest in another woman sexual. Most men, at least 55%, would like to engage in a ménage à trois. After reading the J.L. King book and many articles about men who choose to sleep with men in the dark, I find myself somewhat homophobic. I look at every man that I go out with closely, paying close attention to where his eyes are directed when we are in public places, his mannerisms, and other fine details or hints that would give me an ankling that he may or may not have gay tendencies.

I know that may seem extreme, but the tought that I could loose everything that I have work so hard to accomplish could be taken away in one evening of drama filled man on man action in my living space is very overwhelming. I pictured what would happen if an undercover gay man would slip through the cracks of all my observations and I would one day come home to him having sex with his best friend in my bed. Well the end to that vizualization is me sharing a cubicle size jail cell with a woman named Big Bertha aka Killa Bert who I must fight daily to keep my virginity while sporting the much out of style dookie braids. Not a good visual.
Seriously, a dow low man is not only being dishonest to himself and his lover but he is outright lying to his family. If you choose to live a gay life, as I said in a previous blog, love yourself for that, be the best gay person you can be because you only have to live for you. However, don't drag incent people into your lifestyle without giving them a choice to do so and when you don't give that choice you place them at risk for uncurable sexual transmitted disease and other psychological, emotional, and spiritual problems. There are women out there who don't mind sharing there man with another man I AM NOT ONE OF THOSE WOMEN.

However, the question still remains "Do people have a right to be homophic and verbally express there feeling concerning gays?" I would say yes some people have a right to be homophic especially when you have so many people who are not comfortable with there sexuality and they choose to mask it by pretending to be straight. However, I do feel there is a way to express those feelings without blantant disrespect for those engaging in those sexual activities. Hate is such a strong word and if you can hate someone for there sexual preference then you can hate someone becuase of their race and if that's the case; then Bye George you've got a problem with yourself. If you don't like gay people stay out of their space, go about life living in the four walls of your home, because you can't get away from gay people their every where doing everything straight people. You don't have to agree with their personal lifestyle to respect someone as person, because when all comes down to it, ONLY GOD CAN JUDGE. Stop putting so much time in hating or disliking people and work on you.


LOVE, PEACE, & HAPPINESS
God Bless!

Valentine's with Sugg Knight

Valentine’s Day is right around the corner and it amazes me how many grown ass people still take Valentine’s Day serious. I went to the beauty shop on Friday for my bi-weekly beautification and I walked into several converstaions about Valentine's Day among different groups of woman ranging from ages 25 to 55. After sitting there attentively listening to the conversations, my Stylist asked me if I was aware that my next appointment would be after “Love Day.” After I replied yes and stated that I didn’t have special plans for Valentine’s Day, I was bombarded with questions of why a nice pretty young lady like myself is staying home for Valentine’s Day. Basically I was asked all of the questions that I don’t have answers to at the present moment, because I constantly ask myself the same questions at least once a week. Anyway, I avoided saying one reason I did have a date was because of past experience. I did not want to go into the gory details of the long lost night when I went out with Sugg Knight on V-Day. However you are not so lucky, so here is the Adventure of Valentines Day 2001.

Picture it, spring semester 2001. My suite mate and I took time to pick out a great outfit. Gray skirt, cute red top with gray trim, black boots and black accessories. I went straight to the room after class, instead of making my usual visit to the union, to wash and flat iron my hair to give it that freshly done look. Around 7:30 p.m. I am finished getting dressed and I am just about done putting on my make up, the phone rang and he is down stairs.

I quickly grab my things and get ready to race out the door. {I am not sure if I mentioned this was a blind date, a guy that I was cool with hooked me up with his friend. His friend saw me before on campus and, of course, he thought I was cute. My friend was very handsome, so you figured birds of feather flock together….Back to the subject at hand}

I walked out of the building to the side parking lot and I see this very tall handsome guy, who is built just the way I like ‘em. Brown complexion, about 6’2-6’3 with meat on his bones. The man was sexy. I instantly thought oh yeah this is going to be a great night. But then….Oh but then, the man I am looking at takes a girl by the hand and escort her to the passenger side of his car. Obviously this is not my date. A few seconds later my eyes focus in on a guy who is also tall. His features are reminiscent of Sugg Knight. Now Sugg Knight was not an ugly guy, but you had to be there to see that get-up (out fit if you are a tad bit slow). The fit was totally out of line. Now I am attracted to guys of a bigger built, but I can’t and refuse to do sloppy big men. Anyway, picture this, he had on a gray polo style shirt that was tight on his belly, khaki pants that was also to tight, high water, and tapered legged, and brown chucky boots. The pants were sitting on top of the boots ya’ll, then didn’t even make it to the shoe strings. {Let me give you a visual so hopefully you can understand the severity of this out fit. Picture Sugg Knight trying to fit into Diddy’s or Bobby Valentino's clothes.}I was straight tripping, it was at that point I tried to sneak back into my dorm without him seeing me, but to no avail.

The date: After my unsuccessful attempt to escape the travesty of my date’s outfit, we preceded to dinner. He took me to this restaurant way out in the boonies, which I was happy, because the likelihood of me seeing someone I knew was slim to none. Well so I thought.
We ordered, received our dinner, and we are now engaging in conversation, which I am not paying attention to because he talking about tennis and himself way to much, when I look up and see one of my over protective brother’s friends walk in with his girlfriend. I know you’re thinking so what, that’s no big deal….but you don’t know my brothers and their twisted minds. This friend then signals me to let me know he has just called my brother to let him know I was on a date with Sugg Knight. At this point I am rushing Mr. Knight to finish his dinner before my brother shows up and act out in public, resulting in further embarrassment. We finish our food, he paid, and we bounced, in a matter of 15 minutes.

Once we got in the car Mr. Knight wanted to go to the movies, but I just wanted to go home. I had enough of listening to him talk about himself with that lisp and deep voice, so I lied about having a Calculus test the next day, which required me to study. He dropped my back to my room, gave me half dozen of red roses, and a teddy bear. This is where I started to feel bad dissing Ole’ Boy, but I still could not get over the fit. Sorry!! Call me shallow if you will.

I was back in my dorm room by 8:45 p.m.(keep in mind that I left at about 7:50 p.m.) in just enough time to call another date.{ I was on top of my game at that time, so I had back ups for back ups, that’s why to this day I don’t understand why I went out on a BLIND date. I guess I wanted to indulge in a new experience.} My back up date was there in about 10 minutes, although we didn’t go any where special we did take a long walk, while whispering sweet nothings, and ending up back at my door where he miraculously pulled out pinks roses. It was just the nightcap I needed before returning to my room to give my suite mate and roommate a report on my Valentine’s Day Massacre.

Even though the night ended great (Thanks to Mr. Pink Roses), I could not get over the charade of the enitre date, from his conversation about being an atypical tennis player to his ill fitting outfit, the man was a MESS. Since that night, I have not spoken to Sugg Knight, but I can say he has taught me a few valuable lessons, DON’T EVER THINK JUST BECAUSE A GUY IS CUTE THAT HIS FRIENDS ARE TOO and DON'T EVER GO ON A BLIND DATE FOR VALENTINE'S DAY, just to give you two of the lessons.

Post Scriptum: Some of you may read this and think that I am a bad, bad, bad person for dissing Sugg Knight like that, but I was extremely young at the time with an imagine to uphold. Well let me not bullshit you, I am still shallow, I probably still wouldn’t talk to that man because of his outer appearance. I am not saying the man was ugly, because he wasn’t, he was sloppy and not well put together and I don’t have the time or the patience to re-create someone.

Thanks for reading I hope in enjoyed.

Just Somethings I was Thinking About

Recently I have been totally annoyed by a topic that has been beating American over the head for a few months and few little things that I have been reading about in various places. I would like to take this time to address some of those issues/topics.

1. Will or will not Barack Obama run for the 2008 Presidency election? That is the question that all American’s black or white have been asking since the recent elections. I personally believe he is a great candidate for the position; hell he’s better than Hilary Clinton or any other candidate. Hilary straddles the fence on all decision; sometimes you can’t tell if she is a republican or democrat. While Barack Obama clearly states his position on topics eloquently, gaining the support and respect of both Democrats and Republicans.

Many political journalists are saying that he is a good candidate but not right now, he needs more experience in politics on the national level. However, look at our last presidents, both Bush Presidents had ample national political experience and you see where those numbskulls lead us. Ab Lincoln was a president who did not have national political experience prior to his term in the White House and look at the great wonders he brought forth for this country.

When it all boils down to it, Barack Obama has a huge following of young and old, white, black, and Latino followers. I think the others are scared that a black man will get into the White House and straighten out all of the corruption that has repulsively embarked in our nation’s politics and ruin their side hustles, while making some sense of the mess Bush has put our country in. Kudos to Barack, do you thing big boi.

2. African American Greek Organizations protesting “Stomp the Yard,” is a NO NO!
Some Greek organizations feel the movie did not capture the entire essence Black Greek organizations represent. First let me say, I went to see the movie, I am a member of a Black Greek organization, Delta Sigma Theta Sorority, and I found the movie quite entertaining.
Secondly, the setting of the movie was at TRUTH UNIVERSITY, have you ever heard of it because I haven’t. Meaning this was a factious movie influenced by black greeks organizations. The name of the main greek organization were even fake. Yes they did show actual Black Greek organizations like, Delta Sigma Theta, Alpha Kappa Alpha, Zeta Phi Beta, Alpha Phi Alpha, Omega Psi Phi, Sigma Gamma Rho, Phi Beta Sigma, and Kappa Alpha Psi. Most of the divine nine made a cameo in the movie. There is scene where it shows prominent black American’s, whom made a difference for our country and their affiliation with the said organizations. Now if you don’t think it is positive to have you organization associated with positive events or persons then I don’t know what you pledged for. I am not going to refer to any more scenes in the movie for the sake of those who have not seen it yet. But I am very appalled that black greeks would not like to have themselves affiliated with something positive or black people in general for that matter. Let try to get away for film that portray black people as hoodlums and uneducated fools.

I am glad the movie came out at the top in its opening weekend; we need to support our black films, especially one that has more lessons to be learned that steps for the next Greek show.

3. This whole Isaiah Washington calling T.R. Knight a fag is killing me. When the incident first happen everyone in the cast was covering it up, downgrading the situations, saying they were a family and nothing like that would even happened. Now, damn near a half a year later, it’s a different story. Did he or did he not call you a fag and why all of a sudden you can’t live with the fact that he called you a fag. The actor T.R. Knight went from saying the statement gave him the courage he needed to openly come out as a gay man and now he wants in apology for the statement that helped him to embrace his new found faggothood. I am confused. If you are going to be gay, love that about yourself and be the best gay person you can be, so that I can love you too.

4. Why is this guy that I dating when I was 16 now starting to come around, saying he is proud of the woman that I have become and he has been thinking about how it would be if we stayed together. Well buddy you are damn near 10 years to late for those thoughts. Should have thought about that when you were making a love child with someone else. I guess men really do think they hold the timetable of life. Someone needs to send them a Memo telling them that no woman waits of any man, because there is a man out there ready and willing to go the extra mile. Well, at least this woman is not waiting for any man to figure out which card his is going to throw in the game. Been there, done that, never again. Stop wishing; you should have learned at the age of 10 that wishes don’t come true.

Stomp The Yard

This weekend I decided to venture out into the cold weather to see “Stomp The Yard.” The “You Got Served” meets “Drumline” flick was much more than I expected. With the all-star cast of complete, absolute, fine black stallions and somewhat a great story line, the movie could not have failed. Starting with the young heartthrob Chris Brown, whom I secretly have an R. Kelly crush on, the young girls in the theater went crazy over this young man’s 5 minutes. Especially the little girl, who cried like here grandmother died when C Bezee died off the movie.

It was great to see young black men in positive roles, instead of gangsters and rappers. This movie now gives a vision to young black boys to contemplate becoming something other than pro ball players and rappers. I especially like the shout out to all of the Black Greeks, with the exception of the Iota’s. (Ya’ll will have to get ya’ll weight up before you all will be able to make a cameo in a movie, at least 30 more years.)

Anyway! Go see the movie. I would like every female on the planet to experience this one scene in the movie where you will not be able to keep your legs closed and all of a sudden you will get a feeling to shout “Thank you Jesus.” It was a pivotal moment, well for me at least.

Young Sluts on the Prowl!!!

This morning I received a phone call from my sister informing me that a female classmate accused my 9-year-old nephew of sexual harassment (totally outside of his character). The parent of the child told the teacher that she could not remember what her child said my nephew was telling her. My sister told me that she ask my nephew what he was telling the girl at school and explained to him what sexual harassment was, even giving examples of the act.

After sitting and letting all that info marinate for a minute, I now find myself completely perturbed by the situation. Not because I worship the ground my nephews walk on, but because a few things in this story just don’t seem quite right. First, if I was a parent of a 9-year-old girl and she came home with allegations that a boy her age was saying sexually explicit things to her, I would remember everything that was said. Secondly, I would want to contact the child’s parent to see what child molestation training camp they are raising him in. Lastly, I wouldn’t wait until a Parent- Teacher conference to tell the teacher, I would want action that night.

The next major thing that perturbs me is; what the hell does a 9-year-old girl or boy know about sexual harassment. Knowing about sexual harassment means you have to know something about the root word “SEX”. My nephew thought sexual harassment was threatening to punch the girl in the face, which is what he should be thinking about girls at the age of 9. Obviously someone is saying way too much around this lil girl. I thought to myself why would this lil girl just blatantly lie like that on my nephew. Then it hit me like a blind man walking into a brick wall, she has a crush on my nephew. I mean why wouldn’t she, after all he is related to me and he is pretty handsome.

However, her having a crush on my very handsome nephew does not give her the right to falsely accuse him of something as serious as sexual harassment. Those allegations can ruin his reputation at the school. Ok may be reputation is a stretch for a 9 year-old, but something should be done about the lil girl and her false allegations.

Every other day on the news you hear about some boy or young man being accused of raped or some other sexual act and today it has become a trend for girls to lie about being raped. I would have hated for this to happen when he got to high school or college. Could you imagine the type of trouble “sexual harassment” allegation could have gotten him into? Look at the Lacrosse players at Duke, that stripper ran those boys through the mud profusely. They almost lost their entire lives, thrown off the team, out of school, and most importantly thrown in prison because she lied about being rape. I definitely think the lil girl owes my nephew an apology and further discipline so she can learn the seriousness of her actions. If the parents ignore this, then they are just setting themselves up for trouble in the future when she becomes the community whore or she tells the school councilor she has been having sex with her father for years. The girl is mentally disturbed, they need to get that under control before it gets out of hand.

Pure idiocy

I am straight tripping on the “I love New York” show on VH1. First, let me say that I could not make it through an entire episode of that tomfoolery. Secondly, why are they really nice looking men who seem to have sense on the show? Clearly, I would like to know what they see in New York’s crazy deranged ass. She has clearly displayed several worldwide outcries of desperation on the tube, including 2 attempts with the Crooked Roach Leg Flava Flav. I mean this hot as mess wrapped up in velvet, had fine ass men with careers in financial investments and banking in line getting retarded elementary nicknames from her and her return of the apes momma.

I am sorry, but the concept of having twenty men or women in competition to get one man/woman is totally beyond my comprehension. I can’t see New York (Tiffany) or Roach Leg (Flava Flav) viewing the man or woman that wins as an equal in a loving relationship. Especially when they have clearly accepted them being with other people openly. I don’t think that it could be a lasting monogamous relationship between two people, without there being some issue of trust. I mean damn, they are with other men/women in your face, what the hell you think they are going to do behind your back.

I think both of these shows are pushing black people back 100 steps. People we need to get it together.

Why Can't I Let Go...

I have been romantically involved with a guy on and off for six years. I would go into all of the gory details of the entire relationship, but I would be typing all day and it wouldn’t highlight the many good times we shared. Anyway, about a year and half ago we started back on our romantic path. Since then we have both found ourselves in separate cities focusing on our careers with different feelings about the situation. I feel that I could focus on my career and be in committed long distance relationship. However, I think he feels differently.

Over the past few months, I have brought up the discussion about us furthering our relationship. He could never come out and say that he is really confused on life and he really does not know what he wants. Instead, he gives me some coped out bullshit about lack of trust and communication. After six years I feel that I need him to be more truthful about his feelings and just tell me that this is not what he wants, instead of making it seem like something is wrong with me.

After taking all of that information in, I found myself in a delirious trench of deep rooted confusion, which brought on questions such as; after 6 years, do I really want to give up, after all that we have been through or do I need to drop this where it is and run like hell? With all of the confusion bombarding my mind daily, I decided to spend a few days with him to sort out my feelings. It was then that I realize if I wanted to walk away from the situation with a shred of decency and self-respect, then it was time to let him go. I had already given him to much, without much reciprocation from him.

Now that I know what is it that I should do, my new problem is; how do I let go? How do you stop wanting to talk to him or hear his voice? How do you completely and totally disconnect from this person? How do I stop thinking that it may be a ruff time for him and maybe he will come around? When do I stop thinking about the good times and emphasize that the bad times inflict more pain than the good times can heal? This is by far one of the hardest things that I have had to do in life and I have no idea of where to begin to let this situation go. If anyone has any advice, comments, or concerns please let me know, because I have exhausted all of my thoughts and ideas on.

Seeking Fulfillment........

2006 was a great year filled with many blessings and memories that will last a lifetime. I managed to complete my dual masters degree program, welcome the birth of another healthy nephew, witnessed the marriage of my first cousin who is like a brother to me, and witnessed the college graduation of my younger brother. These many blessings and accomplishment of the past year is just a small portion of the blessing God has bestowed upon my family and me. 2006 over all was a great year, with just a few minor changes, 2006 would have been perfect. But who really has a perfect year.

This year 2007 can only continue down this wonderful path of greatness for me. I realize that lately since I've moved to Illinois that I have been complaining a lot. Most of the complaints are about my new career and the slow adjustment to the area. Don't get me wrong; I am very happy with the Chicago area and all it has to offer, but there was still something missing. I thought the missing piece to my puzzle of confusion was the lack of extra curricula activities, such as volunteering with non profit groups or kicking with close friend, which is something that I have been involve with for as long as I can remember. I thought volunteering with Big Brother Big Sister and Girl Scouts of America would give me the fulfillment that I needed to shake my unhappiness. However, both organizations required that I live in the state of Illinois for at least 6 months before they would even consider interviewing me as a volunteer.

After all of the searching and contemplating, I found a church to join. It wasn’t until I heard a wonderful message from my pastor, Smokey Norful, which I realize that God has placed me exactly where he wants me to be. If I continue to complain about the situation instead of praying about it then I am totally missing the message God is trying to teach me. My reason for being here is to strengthen myself as a person and I have not been able to do that, because for years I have been placing other people's need before my own. I do believe God wants me to take this time out and focus on me for a change, what makes me happy, what exactly fulfills me and make me who I am. With all of that being said, this year I am taking time out to explore myself and release extra baggage from the pastso I can improve myself as an individual. I will still partake in volunteer work, however I will not allow those activities to totally consume me as it has in the past. My journey to fulfillment will allow me to define what it is that I want to achieve in my career, personal life, love life, and most important my spiritual life. I will keep you all posted on the joys and pains of my journey. Please pray for me throughout my adventure.