I have been romantically involved with a guy on and off for six years. I would go into all of the gory details of the entire relationship, but I would be typing all day and it wouldn’t highlight the many good times we shared. Anyway, about a year and half ago we started back on our romantic path. Since then we have both found ourselves in separate cities focusing on our careers with different feelings about the situation. I feel that I could focus on my career and be in committed long distance relationship. However, I think he feels differently.
Over the past few months, I have brought up the discussion about us furthering our relationship. He could never come out and say that he is really confused on life and he really does not know what he wants. Instead, he gives me some coped out bullshit about lack of trust and communication. After six years I feel that I need him to be more truthful about his feelings and just tell me that this is not what he wants, instead of making it seem like something is wrong with me.
After taking all of that information in, I found myself in a delirious trench of deep rooted confusion, which brought on questions such as; after 6 years, do I really want to give up, after all that we have been through or do I need to drop this where it is and run like hell? With all of the confusion bombarding my mind daily, I decided to spend a few days with him to sort out my feelings. It was then that I realize if I wanted to walk away from the situation with a shred of decency and self-respect, then it was time to let him go. I had already given him to much, without much reciprocation from him.
Now that I know what is it that I should do, my new problem is; how do I let go? How do you stop wanting to talk to him or hear his voice? How do you completely and totally disconnect from this person? How do I stop thinking that it may be a ruff time for him and maybe he will come around? When do I stop thinking about the good times and emphasize that the bad times inflict more pain than the good times can heal? This is by far one of the hardest things that I have had to do in life and I have no idea of where to begin to let this situation go. If anyone has any advice, comments, or concerns please let me know, because I have exhausted all of my thoughts and ideas on.
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2 comments:
Damn. Why is it that I know all of this, yet it feels like the first time hearing it? I can't say this blog was "good" (even thought it really is) because these are your true feelings and not to be taken for entertainment purposes. Only time is going to help you move one. Too bad we never long if that time is gonna come fast or move so slow. Oh, prayer also helps! (Duh, Alisha!) Love ya!
KEEPING IT REAL:Well sweetie, I've been in the exact same situation except we've known each other for 10 years (we met in the spring of '97). I was confident that this was the man I was going to marry and believe you me, I'M NOT THE MARRYING TYPE! We're both sarcastic with a sick sense of humor but we understand each other or so I thought! For some reason, out of all of the guys that I didn't want to commit to, he was the one I wanted monogamy from. He was the only one who "got me" and you know what I mean...Heart,Body and Soul. Unfortunately he had a difficult time expressing how he felt about me which made me feel even worse. It made me feel unwanted so I said Fuck it! I was tired of playing the game and decided IN MY HEAD that he didn't deserve me. I came to the conclusion that if as a man, he didn't want to give me the world and every minute in it, then I wouldn't give him one damn second! Trust me it was difficult b/c this was the only man I could see myself spending the rest of my life with. You know how when you daydream and remember all the good times and then you picture yourself with a fine ass man, looking drop-dead gorgeous of course, and you imagine his jealousy by finally realizing that you're the one?! Well, I had to let go of that shit too! Each time I found myself thinking about him (12 out of 24 hours a day) I got up and did something constructive. Either I cleaned out the closet, washed my face or even looked at pictures of other fine ass men (that one helped a lot!). Each day got better and better until I reached the conclusion that God would be the right person in my life at the right time. Until then, I enjoyed each minute and found things that would help me grow in the process. Also, listen to Bonnie Rait's "I Can't Make You Love Me". She hit the nail right on the head with that cut! If he doesn't realize that you are a smart, beautiful and spiritual person after 6 years then he is a damn foot. Fool me once, shame on you...Fool me twice, shame on me!
-- aprillynnbryant@aol.com
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