For the past few months I have been going out to dinner and other fun events with young ladies from my Young Adult ministry. This is now my new social arena since I don’t do the club hoppin anymore. The young women I hang out with are so reminiscent of my friends for home and undergrad. They each hold some unique characteristic that makes feel comfortable and close. We are all single hardworking black women, who are happily single. Don’t get me wrong; I know many single women including most of my close friends and myself, get just a little lonely and what some type of companionship. However, it is not an everyday thought consistently badgering our minds. We are all content and patiently awaiting our future husbands arrival.

Why am I saying all of this? Friday was our regular outing; dinner and a movie. At dinner we invited a new young lady to join us. She was funny and cool just like the rest of us, however on thing concerned me about the young lady….All she wanted to talk about was being single and how unhappy she was. Now we have all ran into women like that so it shouldn’t have disturbed me as much as it did. But, I do have this habit of internalizing other people’s problems and turning them into my own, mainly my very close friends.

Let me give you background on her story: She dated a guy for 3 year who beat the brakes off her regularly. For about 8 months she and guy have been broken up, but she is still messing with him off and on. She claims as of January, we she committed herself to Christ, she has not initiated any contact with him. He has come over to her house on numerous occasions wanting to reconcile their relationship, stating he has changed and he can’t live without her, yadda, yadda, yadda! She goes on to tell us that she knows that he is not good for her but she knows she loves him and can’t help to feel that she rather be with him than single. (It was at this point I had to go for a walk).

Fast Forward: After dinner we went to the movies to see Shrek the Third (great movie) and after the movie I invited the group back to my apartment. Again, ya girl start her single and lonely gripe. So I felt compelled to reach out to the young woman.
I told her:
First, before you commit to loving someone else you need to love yourself. If you think that being with a man who randomly beats your brains out makes you more of woman that being single, then there is no way you can love yourself or have any respect for yourself. Being able to have a relationship with yourself strengthens you in ways that you can’t imagine right now. You will find a new appreciation for self, establish dignity, esteem, and most importantly self worth. (At this point I could see that she was slightly offended by my words.) So I continued to say, I am not trying to judge you, but obviously you are looking for direction and that was just a worldly message from me. However, God has put a message on my heart to give to you. I hope you take heed to what is being said and use it to your advantage. God does not want us to be in relationships with people who use and abuse us. God is a loving God, a God of compassion and giving, so he doesn’t want you to be with a man who is beating and mistreating you. Eight months ago, God delivered you from this man, gave you a way out of the relationship, but you decided to continue letting the devil in. Yes, the devil is eloquent and convincing with his words, because he knows what to say in vulnerable moments, so the boyfriend exactly when to call, text message, or come by to pull you right back in. And you go thinking is love, the devil is deceiving. OH but when you take time to speak to GOD, ask for his strength to remove the devil out of your mind, you’ll start to see the devil for what he is, a liar, you’ll realize the love you thought was not love at all. Once you put your trust and faith in GOD he will deliver you from your circumstance, allowing you to love yourself, discover who you are as a child of God. After God has completely restored your heart, mind, and spirit he will deliver you to someone who is Christ like. But you have to seek him first with all you heart. Sister I love you and don’t want any woman demeaning herself for a pain or burden that is not hers to bare.

Just a quick paraphrase of what was said, I can’t remember what was exactly said since I was having an outer body experience. I do love God and I do say talk about my God to friends and family, but I have never said or talked to someone I just met that way. It was really strange for me, I guess I now know what it means to “Let him use ya.”