My Soapbox!

I promise I am going to start writing about happy things, but I just need to get this off my chest.

How important is your family to you? Are you supposed to give up one someone who share you same blood line? These are questions that I have been asking myself for months, however it’s not the first time these questions have come across my mind.

I was raised in a family where there was no way but up for us as far as success in the world was concerned. I have two parents from two totally different perspectives in life, which gave their children a broader view of life. My mother who was raised in a lower income community in a home that has been in her family for generations; a one bedroom home that housed four children, a mother and father, and a grandparent. She is the eldest of her siblings raised by an emotional and physically abusive father. My mother gave us the reality of the saying “It’s doesn’t matter where you come from, it only matters where you are going..” She fought hard, put herself through college, and made it out of her situation, providing three times more for her children than she was given.

My father on the other hand, was raised with a silver spoon in his mouth. The youngest of two, raised by the first African American school teacher in our small town and a farmer/railroad worker. My father was given an education and many other things, he went through life wanting for nothing. He spoiled his children, especially me, just as he was by his parents.

I say all of this to bring you to my current situation. My siblings and I where given cars to drive in high school and college, weekly allowance, paid rent in college, and more than enough money for clothes and social events. My parents supported us through college, a few of us was support through graduated studies as well. With all of the opportunities our parents afforded us I still can’t understand why one sibling chooses to live like a vagabond.

This sibling was an honor roll student, all state high school athlete, and a great musician. He could play almost any instrument you put in front of him and if he couldn’t play it, give him a day or two, he would be able to teach you some things. However, today in his adult life, he chooses to live without knowing where his next check is coming from, doing drugs, and hanging with people who don’t want much out of life.

This bothers me only because I know the potential this man poses, I know what he could be if he wasn’t under the influence of drugs. I have also come to terms that this is his life to live, no one can want something for someone who doesn’t want it for themselves. However, my dissent with the situation comes in when he tries to force his lifestyle on everyone else. I don’t agree with him showing up at my parents house with all of his drugged out friends and having parties in the middle of the week. I don’t agree with him doing drugs in my parents yard or in front of my nephews. It is very disrespectful and irresponsible on his part. It is these actions of his that make me want to kick his ass and write him off.

I just want the young man to wake up and see life passing him by. I want him to want a relationship with God and straighten his life, but as I said before I can’t make him want for himslef. I understand he will have to hit his lowest point before God can pick him up, but how low is his lowest point, because I can’t stand to see him any lower. I want to stop having dreams or imaging me at his funeral consoling my parents or visiting him in jail. I don’t want to feel like I have to disconnect myself from him so I don’t have to feel this way toward him. My family means everything to me, I would lay my life down for anyone of my family members. I feel like I am the glue that holds it together, but in this situation I feel myself becoming unglued. I guess it’s God way of showing me I am not going to be able to save everyone, it’s not my job to make things right when everything is going wrong. I need to step back and let him do his job.