Hot Mess!

Check the post on YB&F about Schatar "Hottie" form Flava of Love. This chick has got to be crazy as hell. YB&F had links to Hottie's recent interview with Vh1 and Essence, from the answers she gave on the interview the chick had got to be on some drug or delusional. Ya girl is wack from her wacked out weave to that wacked out personality. Oh yeah there is also a link to her personal website Schatar.com. which further proves her desperation for some type of attention. Some call Dr. Phil for this chick!

Have a blessed day!

Just a Few???

Quick question: Why do white people use both scientific and a common name of things when they are talking. For instance, I was talking to a summer intern for lunch about flowers, gardens, and pets. Ya Girl said she has Red Roses, Rosa Safrona, planted in the yard and she has a Boston terrier. Why she couldn't just say red roses and a terrier, I could care less what the proper name is? Maybe I should start talking like that: I am going to get some water, you know high quality H2O or I am going to my Chevy HHR to get my lunch.

It totally annoys me when all of the ladies at work are at sitting around the table talking about hair and they want to include me in the conversation. Why? because I then have to take time out to teach all of the none African American women the science of African American hair. They just don't grasp the concept that we only wash out hair once a week and light moisturizers are our friends!

I think it's funny that I am the only black person in the office and my co-worker from South African, who is not black, thinks we have a special connection.


A friend called me from a restaurant last night to tell me about the hundreds of flies that were flying around the restaurant. That instantly brought me back to last August when my brother and I went to a McDonalds, which is now the largest fly habitat in the south, and the fool started singing really loud "Holy Moly Donut Shop." Should I still be laughing at that today like it happen yesterday?

My Soapbox!

I promise I am going to start writing about happy things, but I just need to get this off my chest.

How important is your family to you? Are you supposed to give up one someone who share you same blood line? These are questions that I have been asking myself for months, however it’s not the first time these questions have come across my mind.

I was raised in a family where there was no way but up for us as far as success in the world was concerned. I have two parents from two totally different perspectives in life, which gave their children a broader view of life. My mother who was raised in a lower income community in a home that has been in her family for generations; a one bedroom home that housed four children, a mother and father, and a grandparent. She is the eldest of her siblings raised by an emotional and physically abusive father. My mother gave us the reality of the saying “It’s doesn’t matter where you come from, it only matters where you are going..” She fought hard, put herself through college, and made it out of her situation, providing three times more for her children than she was given.

My father on the other hand, was raised with a silver spoon in his mouth. The youngest of two, raised by the first African American school teacher in our small town and a farmer/railroad worker. My father was given an education and many other things, he went through life wanting for nothing. He spoiled his children, especially me, just as he was by his parents.

I say all of this to bring you to my current situation. My siblings and I where given cars to drive in high school and college, weekly allowance, paid rent in college, and more than enough money for clothes and social events. My parents supported us through college, a few of us was support through graduated studies as well. With all of the opportunities our parents afforded us I still can’t understand why one sibling chooses to live like a vagabond.

This sibling was an honor roll student, all state high school athlete, and a great musician. He could play almost any instrument you put in front of him and if he couldn’t play it, give him a day or two, he would be able to teach you some things. However, today in his adult life, he chooses to live without knowing where his next check is coming from, doing drugs, and hanging with people who don’t want much out of life.

This bothers me only because I know the potential this man poses, I know what he could be if he wasn’t under the influence of drugs. I have also come to terms that this is his life to live, no one can want something for someone who doesn’t want it for themselves. However, my dissent with the situation comes in when he tries to force his lifestyle on everyone else. I don’t agree with him showing up at my parents house with all of his drugged out friends and having parties in the middle of the week. I don’t agree with him doing drugs in my parents yard or in front of my nephews. It is very disrespectful and irresponsible on his part. It is these actions of his that make me want to kick his ass and write him off.

I just want the young man to wake up and see life passing him by. I want him to want a relationship with God and straighten his life, but as I said before I can’t make him want for himslef. I understand he will have to hit his lowest point before God can pick him up, but how low is his lowest point, because I can’t stand to see him any lower. I want to stop having dreams or imaging me at his funeral consoling my parents or visiting him in jail. I don’t want to feel like I have to disconnect myself from him so I don’t have to feel this way toward him. My family means everything to me, I would lay my life down for anyone of my family members. I feel like I am the glue that holds it together, but in this situation I feel myself becoming unglued. I guess it’s God way of showing me I am not going to be able to save everyone, it’s not my job to make things right when everything is going wrong. I need to step back and let him do his job.

For the past few months I have been going out to dinner and other fun events with young ladies from my Young Adult ministry. This is now my new social arena since I don’t do the club hoppin anymore. The young women I hang out with are so reminiscent of my friends for home and undergrad. They each hold some unique characteristic that makes feel comfortable and close. We are all single hardworking black women, who are happily single. Don’t get me wrong; I know many single women including most of my close friends and myself, get just a little lonely and what some type of companionship. However, it is not an everyday thought consistently badgering our minds. We are all content and patiently awaiting our future husbands arrival.

Why am I saying all of this? Friday was our regular outing; dinner and a movie. At dinner we invited a new young lady to join us. She was funny and cool just like the rest of us, however on thing concerned me about the young lady….All she wanted to talk about was being single and how unhappy she was. Now we have all ran into women like that so it shouldn’t have disturbed me as much as it did. But, I do have this habit of internalizing other people’s problems and turning them into my own, mainly my very close friends.

Let me give you background on her story: She dated a guy for 3 year who beat the brakes off her regularly. For about 8 months she and guy have been broken up, but she is still messing with him off and on. She claims as of January, we she committed herself to Christ, she has not initiated any contact with him. He has come over to her house on numerous occasions wanting to reconcile their relationship, stating he has changed and he can’t live without her, yadda, yadda, yadda! She goes on to tell us that she knows that he is not good for her but she knows she loves him and can’t help to feel that she rather be with him than single. (It was at this point I had to go for a walk).

Fast Forward: After dinner we went to the movies to see Shrek the Third (great movie) and after the movie I invited the group back to my apartment. Again, ya girl start her single and lonely gripe. So I felt compelled to reach out to the young woman.
I told her:
First, before you commit to loving someone else you need to love yourself. If you think that being with a man who randomly beats your brains out makes you more of woman that being single, then there is no way you can love yourself or have any respect for yourself. Being able to have a relationship with yourself strengthens you in ways that you can’t imagine right now. You will find a new appreciation for self, establish dignity, esteem, and most importantly self worth. (At this point I could see that she was slightly offended by my words.) So I continued to say, I am not trying to judge you, but obviously you are looking for direction and that was just a worldly message from me. However, God has put a message on my heart to give to you. I hope you take heed to what is being said and use it to your advantage. God does not want us to be in relationships with people who use and abuse us. God is a loving God, a God of compassion and giving, so he doesn’t want you to be with a man who is beating and mistreating you. Eight months ago, God delivered you from this man, gave you a way out of the relationship, but you decided to continue letting the devil in. Yes, the devil is eloquent and convincing with his words, because he knows what to say in vulnerable moments, so the boyfriend exactly when to call, text message, or come by to pull you right back in. And you go thinking is love, the devil is deceiving. OH but when you take time to speak to GOD, ask for his strength to remove the devil out of your mind, you’ll start to see the devil for what he is, a liar, you’ll realize the love you thought was not love at all. Once you put your trust and faith in GOD he will deliver you from your circumstance, allowing you to love yourself, discover who you are as a child of God. After God has completely restored your heart, mind, and spirit he will deliver you to someone who is Christ like. But you have to seek him first with all you heart. Sister I love you and don’t want any woman demeaning herself for a pain or burden that is not hers to bare.

Just a quick paraphrase of what was said, I can’t remember what was exactly said since I was having an outer body experience. I do love God and I do say talk about my God to friends and family, but I have never said or talked to someone I just met that way. It was really strange for me, I guess I now know what it means to “Let him use ya.”

My Epiphany

At this wonderful tender age of 25 I am battling this intermediate state of mind. The intermediate state of mind where you are indecisive about everything, nothing makes sense even when you try to make sense of it.

Yesterday I sat on my balcony recalling an article my good friend sent me many months ago about Quarter Life Crisis. Apparently this is something many people my age experience especially when fully breaking away from the parental unit for the first time. Don’t get me wrong, I have been confused about life before, but I have never been this mislead and disoriented about the direction or choices I should make. The future is so easy to define and foresee at this moment, however it the here and now that is blank. Often I day dream about going to sleep and waking up in 5 years, but as we all know nothing in life happens that way and it does take hard work and time to achieve future goals.

As of now, I have achieved every goal that I have set for myself way back when today was the future. I have accomplished graduating from both undergrad and grad school, and currently have a great paying job with benefits. However, right now I can not tell you if I truly enjoy my job or my paycheck. All I know is that I wake up every morning to go to work and come home every afternoon to go to sleep. The only thing I am sure about these days is that I enjoy going to church and church activities, and hate paying bills.

Yet as I continue to think about all of these things on my balcony, I realize that this is a part of growing and transitioning from stage of life to the next. It is the intermediate stage where the childish things we used to do are no longer entertaining and the grown things we were afraid of facing seems close but not close enough to engage. It is the stage of life when it's time to figure out what you like or dislike, could stand for or will not stand for in life. It’s the stage of life when you define your future goals for another period of life that seems so far way. It is the time when you experience the best times and worst times, and trying as hard as you can to figure out which is which.

After reaching that much understanding, which felt like the world largest light bulb turned on in my head, I realize there are other people experiencing that same thing and may not be as blessed as I am in the situation. I have a very nice roof over my head, a car in good condition to get to and fro, good food on my TV stand, very nice clothes on my back, and most importantly a steady check to pay all of my bills. So my epiphany is, my crisis is not really a crisis. It is just a part of growing and prospering into the Adult phase of life.

This Weeks Events!

This week has been an incredible week for me so far….

This weekend I was informed that my cousin/sister is engaged to her baby daddy. I am so happy for her and I hope their family last a lifetime filled with many blessings. However, the parental unit and the grandmother joining forces, to yet remind me once again that I am not married, in a serious, nor have any prospects for any of the fore mentioned relations is KILLING ME!!

Ever since I graduated from graduate school last year, my parents (mainly my mother) feels it is time for me settle down and get married. So this engagement has just given her one more reminder that her baby girl is no where near that type of commitment. I have told both my grandmother and mother, that the bible says “He who finds a good woman.” Which means the husband must find his wife, not vice versa. Therefore until the Lord feelings that it is time for my husband and I to meet he will put us in the right place at the right time, until that happens I am happily single and I wish you both would except that. What does that damn grandmother say?…. I bet you not even being nice to those men who approach you, you have to be open for you husband to even approach you. I would tell her that I have been dating a few men, but then she would want to know why I haven’t said anything and when will she meet ‘em, so after that statement I just give up!!!


On another note:
On Tuesday, my fire squad was called out to a fire, which was a burning tracker-trailer. When we arrive at the scene the guy was unconscious in the cab of the burning truck, because we are only trained to fight wildland fires, we are not equipped with the tools of the proper water pressure to contain the fire. We took our hoses out to start spraying the fire and it was like someone was spitting on the fire, that lil bit of water had no effect on the flames. However, the structure trained firefighters did show up, but the flames where raging by that time. I mean you could hear the man screaming for dear life for someone to save him, but no one could get the flames under control so someone could get close enough to the cab before it blew up into pieces.

This was the hardest day of my life. I felt so useless, to watch a man die right before my eyes and not be able to do anything about it. Dealing with not being able to show emotion, because of fear of making myself appear vulnerable to my all male squad, when deep in side I wanted to scream and cry like it was one of my loved ones.

The incident is still weighing heavy on my heart, thinking about the man’s family and friends. The nightmares of his screams. Everyone please pray for me and the man’s family.